Imma Workin’ On It

What I’m working on.

 I’m working on being hopeful.  I’ve subscribed to 2 very popular, yet untrue philosophies. 

 One: Positivity in every situation is an answer to your problems.

 Two:  Being Christian is an insurance policy against bad things happening.

 I wish I could say that I have cancelled both subscriptions, and I have.  But then I get the postcard in the mail for a free issue and forget to cancel.

 About two years ago, I started the practice of seeing a spiritual director each month.

 When I share about the pain and ache of a situation(s), she reminds me that God is always good and He will bring good from this, in His way and in His time.  She reminds me that He is with me, right now amid this and He has not abandoned me or forgotten me.  She reminds me that Satan has me exactly where he wants me.  (Welp. I used the word. More on that later).

 She asks me about when God has been faithful in my life and kept good on his promises to me personally.  

 Being held accountable to answer that question has proven to change the course of my attitude, but also my faith and hope.

 The power that truth has in these situations is incredible. 

 Life took a turn lately and things are difficult.  It is not a story that just involves me, and I don’t feel like I can broadcast it here.  But both myself and my husband noticed that I have been incredibly, incredibly angry. 

 When I took the time to investigate why, I realized I had not given myself permission to feel the deep disappointment and sadness.  Instead, I acted as though I was a ray of sunshine and reminded myself constantly to focus on the positive and that it will all work out.  All this masking and pretending gave way to red hot anger. 

 So lately, I’ve been sitting with my true feelings (like actually sitting and paying attention to how I feel) Next, I remind myself that God sees me and knows exactly where I am at. 

 Lastly, I remind myself that I don’t know if it will work out the way I want, but it will be okay, and God will bring good from it.

 So, dear reader, how are you feeling?  I mean like, really feeling?

 Until next time,

Jennifer